Never Argue with a Woman

Not only am I Passionate About Pets, but I am Passionate About People too!

Enjoy!

 

NEVER Argue with a Woman

 

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

 

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, ‘Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?’

‘Reading a book,’ she replies, (thinking, ‘Isn’t that obvious?’)

‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her. 

‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.’

‘Yes, but I see you have all the equipment . . . for all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.’

 

‘If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,’ says the woman.

‘But I haven’t even touched you,’ says the Game Warden.

‘That’s true, but you have all the equipment . . . for all I know you could start at any moment.’

‘Have a nice day ma’am,’ he said, and he left.

*

MORAL:   

Never argue with a woman who reads.    

It’s likely she can also think.

Dogs vs Cats

Have you ever wondered what our pets would write in a diary? 

 

Dog’s diary:

8am – Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30am – A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40am – A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30am – Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12pm – Milk bones! My favourite thing!
1pm – Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3pm – Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5pm – Dinner! My favourite thing!
7pm – Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

 

 

Cat’s Diary:

Day 989 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!

There was an assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Just as well they can’t write!

 

Conclusion:

 Dogs are easily pleased.

Cats rule – humans and dogs just better get used to it!

The New Alphabet for Seniors

A is for apple, and B is for boat,   

(that used to be right, but now it won’t float)!

                     

Age before beauty is what we once said, 

 

but let’s be a bit more realistic instead.

Now The Alphabet 

 

 

                                   A is for arthritis, B‘s the bad back, C‘s the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?

D is for dental decay and decline,

E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!

F is for fissures and fluid retention,

G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.

 

H - high blood pressure–I’d rather it low;

I for incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend.

 

L is for libido, what happened to sex?

M is for memory – I forget what comes next.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

O is for osteo – bones that don’t grow!

 

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few - just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?

R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,

T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!

U is for urinary; troubles with flow;

V for vertigo, that’s ‘dizzy,’ you know..

W for worry, now what’s going ’round?

X is for X ray, and what might be found.

Y is for another year I’m left here behind,

Z is for zest I still have — in my mind!

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body is deployed,

  and I’m keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

HAD A GOOD LAUGH?

HAVE  A  GREAT  DAY ! !

Do Not Mess With Seniors

 

If you are a senior you will understand this one,

if you deal with seniors this should help you

understand them a little better,

and if you are not a senior yet……..

God willing, someday you will be. . . . .

My wife and I went to breakfast at a restaurant where the “Seniors’ Special” was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

‘Sounds good,’ my wife said. ‘But I don’t want the eggs.’  

‘Then, I’ll have to charge you $3.49 because you’re ordering a la carte,’ the waitress warned her. 

‘You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?’ my wife asked incredulously.  

‘YES!’ stated the waitress. 

 ’I'll take the “Special” then,’ my wife said. 

‘How do you want your eggs?’ the waitress asked. 

‘Raw and in the shell,’ my wife replied.

 

She took the two eggs home and baked a cake! 

 

DON’T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! 

They’ve been around the block more than once!  

Don’t you just love old people?